Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Yesterday and Today

Yesterday, I blogged. It was a good post, it was a good school day. We got a lot done.

Today, I was awake (in my opinion) before the witches rise and it was too early and dark.

Yesterday, I had this deep inner fear that the snow wouldnt come back. Some people feel during winter, it will never come spring again. Not this year. It wont, we are stuck in winter. I fear that summer will come. I fear the snow is done, though it was only our first real snow that was fading.

Today, its as cold as a ball bearing left in ice. And its snowing. Bits of ice that burn when they land on your cheeks. I stood outside in my pajamas at 7 breathing it in and feeling saved.

Yesterday I realized even more how much school depends on me, not just because I am the teacher, but because what I love they love. What I am good at, they will naturally take to eaiser than what isnt natural for me.

Today, math isnt natural for me. Though it is my favorite subject. Today I am sure my son will not learn to spell more than his name correctly. In actuality, he is doing well in sp comparativly. He isnt a naturally good speller but if I keep up with it, it will come easier to him.

Yesterday, my snow fears affected me but not too deeply.

Today the snow makes me feel good, but today... I miss my husband more than I have in over 2 months. Today I want to wear headphones and listen to my favorite songs and sit with a cup of hot tea in a chair by the window. I want to watch the snow fall and cloak my world.

Yesterday my head was in order. It was nice, like a clean closet.

Today I realize, I throw my clothes in the closet floor because I like how it looks. I like how it feels to go through it and decide what to wear. I also like my messy head and I cannot keep it ordered. So I wont try. Today, I wish my husband was here to keep the order for me because thats what he does.

Back to school. Because yesterday, today or tomorrow, thats the most imporant thing I can possibly focus on in their lives. Love, attention and education. No matter how quiet I feel today.

No comments: